My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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