please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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