and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
