this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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