Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I faked an abortion last night.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
