there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
