So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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