We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
