If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
