So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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