I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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