Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
