Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
