yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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