I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
