so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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