new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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