I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
