In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize