do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
