I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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