Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
