Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
