Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
