Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize