Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
