dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
