her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
