I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
