Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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