need another drink. this is the easiest way
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
