Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
