found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
