youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
