when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
