So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
