I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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