Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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