If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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