I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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