My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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