I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have post one night stand depression
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
