and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
