I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
