Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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