just survived the first fart of the relationship.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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