You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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