I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
