a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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