By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are these your boobs on my camera?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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