dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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