It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
two words...techno handjob
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
