If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
