this boner is exhausting
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
