i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You are the jesus of drinking
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
