He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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