The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
