There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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