I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
