What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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