And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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