thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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