Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
